I’ve previously discussed noise and migraines before, and today’s wetting acts as somewhat of a second chapter to both, something that I genuinely didn’t anticipate.
You think that I might’ve, given the fact that the most lairiest of fluorescent lighting, and brilliant of white paper have bothered me for as long as I can remember. Distinctly recalling in particular the likes of Hollywood Bowl, and McDonalds Upstairs Parties. That excess of Purple!
Associating my Autism to them, as well as how I've perceived blocks of text to sway from side to side, and my continuous lack of an ability to gauge whether a measurement is straight or not.
Symptoms, foibles, co-morbidities, whatever you call them, that’s always what I’ve seen them as, even how the way my brain deals with processing.
Visual processing in particular, akin to Long Exposure Photography, or a Penny Pusher Machine is one of many things that I thought were part and parcel of Autism.
I’d seldom question it before, until over this last 12 months, where it’s reached a point where I’ll struggle through even the most of menial of tasks. If the Brain was a Computer, my Processing unit is burning out after the most simple of prompts and commands.
As much as I’ve wanted to write more blog posts, I’ve struggled. I’m struggling with this one, truth be told. I have dozens of unread books, but can’t seem to muster the energy to concentrate on them. I’d love to watch more Films and TV shows, and have even grown agitated when trying to engage and sustain messaging people on my Phone. It can get to a point where all I’ll want to do is simply sit and stare at my four walls. Or to oblige to the anti-sedentary mindset of my body, and exercise, or at least find tasks that aren’t too taxing for that organ between my ears.
If I do manage to read, none of the information seems to go in despite re-reading, or I’m convinced it’s gone in, but is instantly forgotten not long after. On the contrary, if I write, I’ll either blitz through without the energy to re-read, or begin to endlessly scrutinise a paragraph.
Speaking of forgetful, I’ve felt it more than ever, with my partner irritated that she needs to repeat herself a lot more than usual, and it’s honestly been a borderline terrifying experience. Asking myself, am I really losing my mind?
I’ve self-analysed in the way that I always do, and couldn’t pinpoint it to the residents of my house, or the stress of the day to day, not so much the latter, because this feeling doesn’t go away after all the decompression and self-care that I give myself.
It’s felt different. Not a Diabetic or other Physiological issue, as I’m currently deemed a clean bill of health, having been assessed for such concerns. So it must be more of an issue similar to my Autism, if not simply just that.
Having GPs scratch their heads, and refer me to Mental Health Centres, searching up my symptoms always display the same result. Irlen Syndrome.
I’m no stranger to this name, having briefly cited it in one of my Documentaries.
I’m never one to play Dr. Google either, or to self-diagnose on the basis of the first result that appears. But the fact that this relatively unknown condition keeps coming out on top whenever I search up such foibles, must mean it might possibly be the answer to this scalding hot question.
So, with some signposting, and financial help, I went to seek out the most local and affordable of Diagnosticians that resulted in two 90 minute train journey trips (there and back), and a 2 hour assessment that confirmed my speculations. A long day, with a worthy outcome, as the condition doesn’t seem to be realised on the NHS.
The screening was a series of questions, discussion, and activities, alongside the gauging of which colour overlay that I found to be the most beneficial to processing, when it came to tasks, such as reading.
“Another Purple”, she remarked, seemingly to be the most popular of colours amongst those assessed and diagnosed with Irlen Syndrome. Ironic how that colour is of assistance now!
Having also got the opportunity to try various coloured tints over my current prescription, the lilac felt the best, and after only wearing them for half an hour, the visual noise I’ve repeatedly cited began to fade.
For once in my life, the way I began to process the world around me felt different. Almost as if someone decreased the exposure on the photography, or found a way to filter the coins through the machine into a straight drop, as opposed to a labyrinthine gauntlet.
The dual sense of clarity and relief. Both I haven’t felt since my Autism was explained to me 22 years ago.
My head felt like it was being massaged. Soothed. That sheer sense of relief you experience when the painkillers or cooling pad kick in for a headache or migraine.
This co-morbity explained to me made me have that realisation that my processing issues aren’t all as a result of my Autism. That Irlen Syndrome is a missing link.
This scalding hot question now extinguished. It answers why fluorescent lights irritate me. Why words would often jump around when I’d read. Why my depth perception has irked Driving Instructors. The reason behind the long and excessive blinking under some lights. How masking was so exhausting, and why a simple trip to the shops has my noggin working on intense overdrive. Amongst many more!
It was emotional. Whilst wearing the tints, I could look out of the window, and admire the scenery without a second thought. That being, that this isn’t going to feel as demanding as a convoluted Maths equation!
The realisation is one thing, but being able to do something about it means more to me than you could realise. An Occam’s Razor in the guise of coloured tinted lenses, and screen overlays, that will make controlling the noise more bearable, and the additional ability to; function, explore, enjoy, and tolerate this weird, wonderful and often frightening plane of existence around us.
I was very tempted to title this; “I Have Irlen’s: So What?”