It’s been a rough January. Always seems to be. A hangover of a month in more ways than one! These last few weeks in particular, I’ve found difficult with the tenants causing more bother than their worth!
This has delayed today’s wetting. Inspired by family games of Monopoly over Christmas, that either end in; an argument, a never-ending stalemate, or a clear runaway winner who usurps the board, having managed to nab the train stations, utilities and effortlessly grift their way up to the top.
All seemingly down to the roll of the dice.
I learned how to play this timeless game of cutthroat Capitalism at about the age of 6. Without fail, I am always bestowed with the same trajectory or thereabouts.
I’ll; struggle to acquire the light blues, slowly purchase the pinks, oranges and yellows, and simply pray I’ll land on Free Parking before anyone else (when playing such House Rules) to break even after wasting money trying to build houses and hotels as quickly as possible!
Other times, I may manage to afford Park Lane and Mayfair, and a cheeky train station and utility, but the play remains the same. Dependent on how the other players play, this either works in my favour, or I’m usually the first one to declare bankruptcy, sometimes out of boredom! Have you seen how long games can go on for?
This ennui also stems from the inevitable, and why try to fight it when you’re only going to keep landing on Fenchurch Street (owned alongside the other three by one player), and infinitely cough up the £200 you earned from passing Go? Oh, did I mention after passing Go, I’ll also land on Income Tax?
So why am I waffling on about a Board Game that has spawned hundreds of different variations, including one in recent times that makes me chuckle?
Well, playing it again recently made me realise my life pretty much has and continues to play out the same for me, in a figurative sense.
It can often feel as if my efforts to make this life of mine meaningful and boast more quality are all but in vain. That the pigeon-toed small steps around this board of life are entirely pointless, especially when we all know how it ends, just not when.
Free Parking (in these piled-on metaphors) is what I perceive to be the luck and good fortune, if you’re ever blessed enough to land on it! Or if Sod’s Law comes to play, you land on it when the money has not long been taken!
And for those fortunate enough to be born into it all, be it money or good health, and continue to accumulate and fail to misstep as they go, well, that’s their game and frankly of no concern to me.
It does feel unfair though, that the world and universe are feel like they're working against you and not with you. Every job rejection, every time your Immune System decides to work against the injected Insulin. That weight you worked so hard to lose creeps back on again.
But unlike Monopoly, quitting early is irreversible and incredibly traumatic for all those concerned. Even if you don’t have loved ones or those who you could call close to you, such actions will impact and inflict pain on someone else, be it a neighbour or Paramedic, circumstances dependent on whoever finds you first.
Regardless of if you’ve read my posts before or not, I can and am often frank about my experiences of suicidal ideation. You needn’t worry about me though, I know it’s not the answer.
However, I’m no stranger to its accompanying thoughts and feelings. That sense of hopelessness and wishing to simply disappear, thinking it’s easier than enduring more hurt piled on from failures, injustices and insecurities, self-inflicted or otherwise.
So what keeps me going? What compels me to roll the dice again and see where I land next?
Well, it’s just that. Plain and simple. Monopoly is a game that has endless combinations and like most games, you can start over and explore them. You can’t do that with life, but you can compromise and find another way forward, after learning what doesn't and hasn't work(ed) before.
With life, it’s that curiousity. What will happen when I roll again? What awaits on the next page, or next chapter? What’s going to happen in the next scene of the Film, or the next episode of the TV series before it all ends? Coming from someone who has often struggled with big decisions or changes, I consider this progress on my part. That, and getting fed up of when such things are on pause for too long! You can only play the one same game, or read the one same page so many times!
And yes, I may very well have a similar trajectory in a board game that literally takes you around the houses, but I suppose it’s exploring and making the most of what you have around you. Shoot for the moon, and all of that. Keep trying after every rejection, and find another way around managing whatever your DNA has lined up for you next. Work out a way to endure financially difficult months such as January.
Though you may argue in a game of Phrase Tennis that curiousity killed the cat. If you’re like my two cats however, you’ll know how to make the most of what you have, and think forward to what’s next, either learning from your mistake, or continuing to have a complete disregard until something gives, which it will, eventually.
My two cats will cheat and try and circumvent the system however, something that is frowned upon in Monopoly, as well as the law of the land...Well, it’s supposed to be anyway. And like they care!
The point is the same one that recurs throughout my previous wettings, and that eventually (myself included), you may reach a sense of contentment, akin to; nabbing the train stations, utilities and most of the board, alongside landing on the Free Parking space with a wad of cash.
But you’ll never know, unless you keep rolling.*
*Sorry!